I'm freaking out / I feel fine

I want to both ride pro for, and retire from, EF Pro Cycling. These quotes. I'm just dying. Love these guys and their passion and heart for the sport and for life.

“Ruben is bold, but he can back it up,” EF Education First Pro Cycling CEO Jonathan Vaughters explains. “During contract negotiations, he told me he wouldn’t accept my offer, that he was worth more. He told me to watch the Vuelta the next day and that he’d show me. He didn’t win the stage, but he came second. I was impressed.”

“I want them to know we don’t just jump on the bike and pedal, pedal, pedal,” he says. “There’s much more to it than that. I want to teach my new co-workers how we prepare every single detail, how we work, how the group around you in the most important thing. I also want them to know that we do so many races around the world and that all the travel gives us experience with different people, different cultures, and that those things, not only cycling, make us who we are.”

-Ruben Guerreiro "Comes Home"

"I’m grateful that people would like to see me do amazing things on a bicycle. But the reality is, being touted as something, having talent or being told that you have talent… Talent is nothing without work ethic, and work ethic comes from genuine passion for what you’re doing. And if you are constantly forcing your work ethic because your passion is elsewhere, then potential and talent mean nothing. And if there’s anything that I can take away from the sport of cycling it’s that, you can be as talented as you want, but if you don’t wake up every morning and you don’t want that thing, it doesn’t matter. I think that there’s a lot of power in recognizing that you don’t have the genuine passion for the thing that you’re doing anymore. And then having the courage to make that choice, to make that decision when you’re so deep in it."

-Taylor Phinney to retire from pro cycling


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I bought a pair of jeans that fit. Size 4 ->> Size 10 (!!)

But you know what, haven't been this happy in a while.

Also invested in a pair of boots that I know will make my feet happy. Spent a load of $$$, but same thing.

did you know that i can lift a car up all by myself

Ok, well, MRI appointment wasn't great, but was what I was expecting.

Damage (aka inflammation, swelling, water retention) shows up on MRI as a bright white spot, instead of healthy dark tissue/bone. Well, my ankle lit up like a friggin Christmas tree. 

Bone in the middle- talus. Anterior (towards the toes) part: lit up. Posterior (towards the heel) dark and calm.

Specifically, there is bone bruising through approx 50% of the talus (the bone at the base of the tibia that is basically the core of the ankle). Which is why it has felt off- not painful, but stiff and sore and just not comfortable. There are other small tears and fractures too, but most are secondary to the initial bone bruise.

What I needed today's appointment to confirm is that there is pretty much no treatment for bone bruising, other than to rest and wait. 4-6 weeks of waiting, in fact. And resting meaning low-impact non-weight-bearing exercises- biking and swimming and walking (but not too much, and only on flat surfaces). Definitely no running, or volleyball, and also my cyclocross debut will have to wait. I get to sport the boot not full time (thank goodness) but any time I want to offload the foot to get some extra rest or recovery. Stylin!

Meanwhile, I will be working really hard to change my mindset. If I can only swim and bike, then I am going to do the best swimming and biking that I can. And get some of my bad eating habits under control. And hopefully get back to where I want to be without my tried-and-true running routine. I still have my PT team on call and at the ready to ramp up, when I am healed and ready to go.

*insert strongarm emoji here*

I can do this.